Toddlers: STOP YELLING AT YOUR PARENTS!

We've all been there. You're at the store. You see a shiny, breakable thing and your parent insists on moving away from it, refusing to even let you pick it up or touch it. Her unreasonable attitude sparks a spiral of rage in your brain and you lose your mind. Completely. An out-and-out meltdown in the middle of Target. You scream, you throw yourself around, you bellow until your face turns an unflattering shade of purple. You have to be removed from the store kicking and screaming.

It's a tantrum. We all give in to them sometimes. God knows, we have all been told to count to three, take a deep breath and 'use your words' to express our needs. But it's hard. Emotions are overwhelming. Parents are challenging. Interesting things are always out of reach.

A new study just released, however, should give toddlers pause for thought. While research has shown that a majority of toddlers resort to tantrums to manage their parents' behavior, this most recent study from the University of Pittsburgh claims that tantrums may actually do more harm than good. Rather than minimizing problematic behavior in parents, tantrums may in fact aggravate it. 

Researchers found that parents who had experienced toddler tantrums and verbal aggression:

"[...]suffered from increased levels of depressive symptoms, and were more likely to demonstrate behavioral problems such as vandalism or antisocial and aggressive behavior."

This study is one of the first to indicate that tantrums may be damaging to parents' mental well-being. Significantly, the study also found that 'toddler warmth' such as clumsy hugs, lisped expressions of love and simpering smiles did not lessen the stressful effects of the tantrums. Parents in the study were mainly from middle-class homes, not the usual 'at-risk' profile for troubled behavior.

Based on the results of their study, researchers advised toddlers to avoid excessive verbal aggression and loud screaming when interacting with their parents. 'Letting loose at your parents might seem like the easiest option in the short run' said Professor Tang, who led the study, 'but in the long run, the deleterious effects on parents' well-being should not be underestimated.' Professor Tang suggested toddlers sit down with their parents and explain their needs and expectations openly in order to build a good communicative relationship early on. 

The toddler blogosphere has lit up in response to Professor Tang's glib advice, however. 'HOW CAN I USE MY WORDS???!?! I ONLY KNOW ABOUT 50!!!' screamed the anonymous author of Tantrums n' Tiaras blog. The most damning comment came from the Toddlerlode blog at the NY Times: 'Everybody has tantrums! It's just normal. It's not like I do it everyday, is it? I'm fed up of these STUPID studies that don't make ANY sense'.

What we have to remember here, however, is the well-being of parents. Modern-day parents suffer from higher rates of stress than any previous generation in history, forced to spend their days in child-free, bleak offices for meager pay-checks without any opportunity for physical recreation or fresh air. The 'maxed-out mom' is now a familiar figure, rushing from one appointment to the next, trying to fit everything in. Parents are under a lot of pressure.

So toddlers, next time you feel a wave of rage surging up inside you because your mother refuses to allow you to touch fire and play with knives, stop and count to three (if you can). Spare a thought for your frazzled parent and his or her worn-out nerves. Remember Professor Tang's helpful study conclusions: even one tantrum or meltdown in an otherwise good relationship can irreparably damage your parent's well-being. Toddlers: stop yelling at your parents!